The Marathon

Oooohhhh has it really been a month since I've talked to y'all? My bad. Maybe I can make up for it here...

THE MARATHON

You can train and train and train, do everything right, and still have the challenge of your life come race day, and that’s exactly what happened to me on Saturday. I’m trying to be as real about this as possible without being negative. I want everyone to know while this was probably the most god awful, physically demanding and draining things I’ve ever done in my life, not once was it a waste of time or effort, because what I walked away with was just as valuable.

I finished.
I puked. Twice. And I laughed about it because I was now a marathoner.

Finishing was SUPPOSED to be my only goal. I wanted to finish and not have a time in mind so I wasn’t disappointed with any part of the race. It didn’t work out that way. I was disappointed I didn’t finish in five hours. I was disappointed I didn’t run more. I was disappointed I didn’t finish faster. I was disappointed that I didn’t have the time of my life, that I was hateful as hell, and that I walked away saying I would never, ever, ever, in a million years do that distance again. I was disappointed with myself that I made beating someone else’s time my most motivating goal. I was disappointed with myself when people asked me how it went, that I couldn’t say “I had the time of my life and I want to do it again!” None of that was the memories I wanted to take away from the day.

I’m not going to write an entire dissertation on what happened throughout the race, but I’ll give you a breakdown of the key points--as I remember them. First, I love the cause but hate the course. The St. Jude half and full marathons are no joke. The hills in the city are sneaky. You don’t feel them until it’s too late. I’m not even kidding. You think they’re not there… but when you don’t get a break from them for like ten miles, it tends to wear you out. And, somewhere around the ten mile mark is where this course kills me. Every. Time. It happened last year. It happened this year. I’ll continue to be a hero and raise money, but until this Fat Girl can take a little more ass kicking, I’ll do the 10k or something shorter on this course… anything to keep me off North Parkway.

Second, and I think this is what actually killed me more than anything… I’ve been battling sinus problems for months. I went to the doctor, had everything all cleared up, or so it seemed, but a few days before the race things got bad again. More so, the fluid on my ear got worse and so did the popping. The morning of the race, I skipped the Flonase, because I’d gotten a couple nosebleeds and I didn’t want to be pulled off the course because of it, but I kept the Sudafed and the Allegra. The fluid on my ear wasn’t draining. The drugs drying me up gave me cottonmouth. I’m pretty sure I drank way too much. I’m not sure if it was the popping ear or the sloshing water, but one of the two kept making me nauseated. I’d be willing to bet it was my ear. Every time I tried to run and breathe, my ear filled up like it had a balloon in it and I would feel sick. So basically, for the next sixteen miles, I was fighting nausea, a popping ear, and an achy leg (from all the walking that wasn’t supposed to happen.)

DON’T STOP READING YET. ALL THE BAD STUFF ENDED RIGHT THERE. I PROMISE.

VIDEO CREDIT: RICHARD TUTKO

I put that finish line video right in the middle of this post for a reason. While all of that sounded really stinking horrible, and it really freaking was, I still finished, and I finished strong. I adapted and overcame. I preserved. Add to that I had the love and support of my friends and my husband. While I might’ve bitched and moaned for almost 6 hours, what happened at the finish line was totally worth all of it--the months of training, the pains, the missed parties, the money spent on doctors, the eating of all the good for me foods rather than the good for my taste buds foods. It was worth hurling in a blue cup/bag and yelling at people who tried to sit my ass in a wheelchair, because at the end of the day I learned one hell of a lesson… I was never, not even for one second, alone on this journey.

It was really quite overwhelming, from start to finish, the amount of support I had out there on Saturday. From the time I stepped foot onto Union Avenue to right before race start--where I was met with people squealing my name and holding out arms to give me hugs--to the time I crossed the finish line to the same cheers and hugs, I never once felt alone. That’s quite a feeling for someone who struggles with feelings of loneliness from time to time. People were at the start. They were on the course. They were at the finish. They were across state lines in front of computer screens. They were glued to their apps, watching my pace speed and slow. They lost complete days just to keep up with my progress. I can honestly say I’ve never felt so supported, so encouraged and so absolutely the opposite of alone in all my life. And it didn’t stop there. People--including my cousin, her husband and children--were waiting at the top of the stairs when I left the finisher zone. It was probably the most overwhelming thing I’ve ever experienced.

When I finally got home and had a chance to look over the text messages, the timeline posts on Facebook and the comments when I’d posted at mile 10 and 17 about how over it I was, I was so moved that I finally ugly cried. See, I don’t like crying. I especially don’t like crying in front of people. Sometimes though, crying isn’t bad. Sometimes, we’re so overwhelmed with emotion we need to get it out. Funny thing was, it wasn’t my accomplishment that really made me boo-hoo like a baby, but the fact my beginner runner ladies set a goal to run the entire 5k without stopping and they did it. I was more proud of them than I was of myself, and that was totally okay because I had an entire community of people to be proud for me.

There are by far way way way too many names to list individually, but I hope everyone knows how special they made this day for me. If I saw you or spoke to you at all, you were a part of my day and I thank you for that. I would, however, like to take a moment to say a special thank you to the people who came from Mississippi to cheer me on even though none of them are particularly fans of running. They are my friends, no… my family, and they did this for me. I hope I showed them all just how much it meant to me.

I would also like to take a moment to thank the people who spent all that time helping me get through those long training runs--especially Kirsten who let me verbally abuse her for almost six hours. And those who talked me through moments of doubt or gave me sound advice when I maybe wasn’t being rational. They say I could’ve done this on my own, and maybe I could have, but I’ll tell you this journey is a hell of a lot better when you have a tribe.

An epically huge thank you to Julianne Tutko for getting my sweet hubby where he was supposed to be. Between her and her husband Rich, finish line magic happened for me.

Most importantly, I need to thank the love of my life, Joe Cassatta, for being the kind of prince every girl dreams about. (Yes, I’m tearing up right now.) We’ve always been supportive of each other’s crazy endeavors, but I never expected him to go above and beyond the way he has since all of this started back in June. He has gone out of his way to make sure I had carbs on the days I needed them, or light meals on slow days. He helped me prep my lunches, rubbed my butt when it hurt. He sat in doctor’s offices with me, suffered through my moodiness, and lost quality time with me so I could train. He never once complained about any of it. I mean, y’all, he even held my puke cup while I hurled. That’s love right there.

I think it’s safe to say I’m probably the luckiest girl in the world because through this process, I realized I very much have a tribe, and they all came together and kicked major ass just to make my first marathon a memorable experience. They did. In spades.

After...

From the experience I had, one might doubt their training. Maybe. They might go back and look for all the things they did wrong, and I was really close to doing that myself, however I'm not going to. Why? Because I climbed LOTS of stairs after it was over and barely whimpered. I jogged downstairs. I danced and I partied. My legs and my body were conditioned for this. I trained well. I honestly believed what happened Saturday was beyond my control. I honestly believe it was because I was still sick.

From here…

I kept telling Kirsten that I wouldn’t do another marathon, that I wasn’t built for the distance, and yeah… no. I kept saying I wasn’t going to do New Orleans (The Rock-N-Roll Marathon in March that I’m already signed up for because JACKET.) I kept saying I would defer, or maybe just lose the money because marathons are stupid, but after a lengthy text conversation with a woman I’m hoping will become my Tri coach in 2018 (I haven’t had that conversation with y’all yet) I changed my mind about New Orleans. I’m going to do it. I’m going to give the distance another chance. New Orleans is a pretty flat course. It shouldn’t be too cold or too hot, shouldn’t be in the middle of cold and allergy season, so we’ll see. I’m already trained up. Might as well do it while I can, right? And if I still hate it, then now I know. I don’t have a problem trying to get my half marathon time down to 2 hours while working my way up to Triathlons.

Marathon Training - Week 20 Wrap Up

Oct 29th-Nov 4th ~ 23.1 Miles

Day 133 ~ 6 Recovery Miles
Day 134 ~ Dance
Day 135 ~ Boot Camp
Day 136 ~ Run 6 Miles
Day 137 ~ REST
Day 138 ~ REST
Day 139 ~ 11 Mile Long Run

Meal prep this week - Sooooo much fail. Luckily though, I'd made cucumber dill wraps to munch on after my long run Saturday and I didn't eat them all so I didn't have to eat out every day.

Man... it's been a rough week. I'm so far behind on everything. Let's see if I can remember the standout moments from last week.

Ooohhhh... I remember last week. CHOCOLATE!!!! Oh, and cold. Lots of cold.

Oh wait. Something did happen. But it wasn't last week. I just wasn't ready to talk about it last week. My feelings were a little hurt, and the only feeling I had about it was nastiness. So I just kept my mouth shut.

A friendship ended. Over rumors. Over training. Over... whatever. The reason doesn't matter. And I wasn't going to write about this, because it's not part of marathon training, but it kinda is. Emotions can seriously get in the way of training if you let them. I refused to let them. I'm not going to go into details, but I've learned a lesson about people... when they check out on you, don't take it personally. Its a decision they made. Not you. Also, people talk. People lie. Rumors happen. If you value someone in your life, ask them if the rumors are true before you believe them. Not the other way around. That's all the life/friendship advice I have right now.

As you've been told many times before, running is as much mental as it is physical. So after losing my friend, I wasn't in the greatest head space, but I persevered. I didn't make it obvious by boohooing about it, but yeah... it hurt a little. I also didn't have time to dwell. People will always come and go. Their departure should never, ever stop us. Goals are still goals and failure still isn't an option. Other's involvement doesn't determine my success. I do.

The previous week, while it sucked, ended on a 20 mile high note that left me feeling strong and confident.

Sunday I did my recovery miles--very gently--on a treadmill while watching a horror movie. It was epic and the six miles were done before I knew it. I chose the treadmill because I still hadn't warmed up from the previous day and the idea of getting cold again was about as vomit-inducing as the idea of my feet hitting MORE pavement. The dreadmill was a great alternative and got me through the miles with no problem.

My usual dance and boot camp followed, though I'd opted out of running Tuesday night because my legs felt really fatigued in boot camp that morning, and I was concerned about my left leg. Throughout my training, I've been dealing with some anterior tibialis and IT band issues that has me in a chiropractor every other week. When things start hurting, I ask myself "what would normal, stubborn and sometimes stupid Allison do" then I do the opposite. Normal Allison would've suffered through and probably been sidelined before the big day. We're trying really hard not to be stupid Allison.

Wednesday night, I learned that four legs are faster than two and sometimes dogs are better than GPS. I also learned that Sir, Issac Newton had it wrong. What goes up doesn't always come down. Like in Kirsten's neighborhood where you can go up 27 hills and only come down once and still make it back to the starting point. And I'm not talking about kiddie hills either. I'm talking about hills to make you say bad words. But we had fun. Well, I know I did. And hills only make you faster so we love them SOOOOOO much. That may or may not have been sarcasm. It really depends on the day.

The week ended with an eleven mile long run that the lovely and zany Yella joined me for. Oh. My. God. Soooooo cold. The run was wonderful and we had lots of laughs with our imaginary boyfriend Ryan from Boston who just wants to have beer and donuts with us, despite running in the kind of cold you felt in your bone marrow. I think I'm still trying to thaw out.

So now we're to a point where training is winding down and the big day is upon us. Well, after Saturday's long run, anyway. I've found my tolerance for bullshit is fading. I don't have time or patience for the things I used to. I'm trying to be smarter about my body, i.e. going to the doctor when something doesn't feel right... even if it's just a little sinus pressure. I've found the advice from experienced friends has been monumentally huge in the success of my training. I've surrounded myself with wonderful, positive people who uplift and encourage. I've found that any talk of kids with cancer gets to my core more than it ever had in the past. I've found confidence in myself where it seriously lacked before, and I think that's probably been the most rewarding part of this so far... I'm sure there will be a hell of a lot more to come.

Marathon Training - Week 19 Wrap Up

Oct 22nd-Oct 28th ~ 32.8 Miles

Day 126 ~ REST
Day 127 ~ REST
Day 128 ~ Boot Camp and Run (4.5)
Day 129 ~ Run 5.25 Miles
Day 130 ~ 70 Min. Dance, 3 Mile Run
Day 131 ~ REST
Day 132 ~ 20 Mile Long Run

Meal prep this week - Greek Orzo Salad

When marathon training makes you feel like a freaking rock star...

Okay so, back in August, when I looked at the calendar for this training, I looked at the mileage and immediately started thinking about what kind of jewels I wanted on my urn and what kind of flowers I wanted at my memorial because there was no way in hell I would ever get through this without dying. The first, twelve mile run (though I had done more than a dozen half marathons) had thoroughly convinced me that I wasn't cut out for the marathon distance. Some people just weren't built that way. Another really bad long run almost made me call it quits and walk off the route. I think it was pure stubbornness that kept me going that day, but whatever it was, I'm grateful for it now.

Saturday, I ran the longest distance I've ever run in my life. Let me back up and say that I had been dreading this run since August. I'd had nightmares about failing out before hitting twenty miles. Those who know me know I don't commit to anything I don't feel like I'll succeed at. Not a great way to live life, but I'm not emotionally equipped to deal with being a failure. Not yet. That's a whole different kind of blog. We'll work on that eventually, but for now... I don't fail. Period. Like I said... stubbornness.

The night before the 20 miles I was stressed the hell out. You would've thought it was race day. I made a pile of clothes, checked and rechecked them. Moved them so they didn't fall in the cat's water bowl. Moved them again so they wouldn't fall in the tub. Moved them again so my socks couldn't roll off and get lost. I packed my CamelBak with Twizzlers and M&Ms and two Honey Stinger waffles... more water than I really needed and a frozen bottle of Tailwind. Everything was going to be fine. It was going to be great... even if it took me all damn day to get back to my car.

My bottle of Tailwind never unfroze, neither did my face and fingers. But the cold was no big thing... just motivation to get the miles done faster so I could thaw out in a hot bath. Right?

Daniela and I split at about twelve miles. Kirsten, like most people who live in Memphis this time of year was battling ear and sinus infections, and didn't need to risk being in the cold. I'll go ahead and tell you she still feels bad about that no matter how much I tell her it's okay. It's still very much okay with me. Kirsten, I still love your silly ass.

I was ready for my little 8 mile adventure back to my car. A-okay! Well, it was until I nearly slid my booty across an icy bridge. Losing your footing after running like 14 miles is an interesting jolt to the system... that's all I'm saying. Things tingled where things shouldn't tingle. My heart was in my throat. Scared the poo out of me (thankfully, not literally speaking.) I took that opportunity to fuel while my heart shoved itself back in my chest. And I still had to cross that bridge one more time...

I carried on my little adventure, finding the fatigue setting in real good around the 17th mile. My legs were over it and though I still ran every half mile interval, they were being shortened every time. I was starting to get grumpy, but still had myself in check pretty good. Then my phone died, taking with it the music that made me just happy enough to be out there without giving up. So now all I had was my thoughts.

Running is very much a mental sport, and at this point, my longest run ever had the potential to turn into my worst run ever. I still had about 2 and a half miles left to go, in silence, and... ANDDDDD I was going to run right past the trail exit that led back to my car. Do you know the temptation to stop and call it quits was SOOOOOOOO huge. I mean, it took a fair amount of willpower to keep going. I honestly believed I wasn't going to make it. I'd stopped to stretch, to re-focus and figure out a way to get through that last little bit without my music and without someone to talk to, when a man in a bright green shirt came jogging... errrrr running by me. He gave me an sympathetic smile and a soft good morning. Okay. Okay. Fine. Since he was being that way--all nice and junk--I could keep going. When I rounded the next corner, there he was... doing the same exact thing I had been doing a few seconds ago.

Of course, I had to ask, "how many miles?" To which he said seventeen. He started walking with me and I wasn't the least bit creeped out by this. He was one of my people. A runner. I learned in the next fifteen minutes or so that his name was Craig and he's 55. He'd only been running for a year and a half, and was also training for his first full marathon as was his wife, who was battling a cold and couldn't be out there with him. Thanks to random stranger found on trails, I got through the rest of my run with no problem. I was REALLY appreciative of my rebel spirit and breaking my parents' "don't talk to strangers" rule. LOL


While I'm on the subject of thanking people for their contribution to my training, I would be remiss if I didn't point out the people who have been there on those early, EARLY mornings... in the heat and in the cold...

The ones who have pulled me through some pretty miserable middle-of-the week long runs, while also being a part of the pretty incredible middle-of-the-week long runs.

The ones who have called me when it was obvious I needed a head check, the ones who have been there to get and give sweaty hugs.

Even as I sit here and type this, the list goes on and on, to the instructors at the gym who know it's cool to go all drill sergeant on me because now wasn't the time to slack, to the friends who promise to be there in whatever capacity I need on the big day. Most importantly, and I'll have more to say about him on game day, but thanks to the ONE who has been putting up with my moodiness and my cravings and (no, I'm not pregnant, but like another friend said... I'm birthing a marathon here) most importantly loving me no matter how much of a brat I'm being. I fully acknowledge this was a group effort, and I couldn't have gotten this far without these crazy, wonderful people.

"Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and the thinkers, but most of all, surround yourself with those who see the greatness within you even when you don't see it yourself."

~ Edmund Lee

Marathon Training - Week 16 Wrap Up

Oct 1st-Oct 7th ~ 30.7 Miles

Day 105 ~ Recovery Miles (4)
Day 106 ~ Dance
Day 107 ~ Boot Camp
Day 108 ~ Run (6.4)
Day 109 ~ Dance & Run (4.1)
Day 110 ~ REST
Day 111 ~ Long Run (16)

MEAL PREP THIS WEEK - Chickpea, Carrot, and Dill Salad (Yummy!)

My brain is sooooo not online. I'm looking at the pictures from last week and it was a pretty damn good collection of seven days, if I say so myself. It was the first time I've broken 30 miles in a week. I'm not exhausted. My body doesn't hurt. All good signs.

I had family in town and she let me drag her to the gym with me (that's her in day 106.) She didn't die... and doesn't hate me. Life is good. I turned her on to Cari's dance class... which is on YouTube as FitnessFiveO. I provided the link to get you there.You can thank me later.

The best feeling yet came after the sixteen miles on Saturday. We'd just finished running, had walked it off/stretched it out. I had to take Kirsten back to her car. We did the same as last time. I let her sleep in and picked her up at mile 4. Anyway, once we finished, we were back in the car and Missy Elliot was playing. It was "Let Me Work It"--a favorite to run to. I was dancing before I got in the car, then dancing in my seat as we pulled away. She said to me, "you're on top of the world right now, aren't you?"

First instinct... grin like a loon. 

Yes, I was on top of the world. 

I had a major runner's high.

Runner's High: a feeling of euphoria that is experienced by some individuals engaged in strenuous running and that is held to be associated with the release of endorphins by the brain.

~ Merriam Webster

Yes, I've felt that feeling lots of times. Every time I conquered a new goal or achieved something I didn't think was possible, I got this all over excited feeling that made me want to cheer and dance and jump and scream... and sometimes run a little more. This time was different. It was a runner's high, mixed with realization, mixed with achievement, mixed with I CANNOT BE STOPPED!!!! I ran sixteen freaking miles... for the second time in my life. But this time, I wasn't murderous by the end of the fourteenth mile. I wasn't silently screaming for my friend to shut up. She knows I love her. I wasn't miserable at the end of my run. I wanted to celebrate!!!

So now is the time when I look at that last sixteen mile run and I do the mental hopscotch, bouncing back and forth from one emotion to the next. I get in my mood where I'm tell myself if I can do sixteen miles, I can do twenty-six-point-two. Then, alternatively, I tell myself that I didn't want to do anymore when I got to the end of the run Saturday. I was done. How the hell am I going to add ten more miles to that? Then I go back to well, I wasn't mentally prepared for more. I was mentally prepared for sixteen. 

Truth? I think I'm prepared to go twenty-plus miles. I know at least one of those long runs is going to be torture. I'm okay with that. I think I'm a lot stronger than a couple of numbers on a device. I know that I've committed to this and failure isn't an option. I have committed to something remarkable and I honest to gods plan to see it through. 

"What is the point of being alive if you don't at least try to do something remarkable"

~ John Green

Marathon Training - Week 15 Wrap Up

Sept 24th-Sept 30th ~ 28.4 Miles

Day 98 ~ Rest
Day 99 ~ Recovery Run (4.0)
Day 100 ~ Boot Camp & Run (3.1)
Day 101 ~ Run (7.1)
Day 102 ~ Dance & Run (4.1)
Day 103 ~ REST
Day 104 ~ Long Run (10)

MEAL PREP THIS WEEK - Greek Pasta Salad

There's not a whole lot to report this week. My spirits were up. I've had a bunch of great runs this week. The body and mind were both in a really good place. Well, there's good to report. LOL

Sunday, my best friend in the entire world was still here and we were nursing some pretty healthy hangovers, so I didn't do anything but lay around and eat lots of foods. I didn't beat myself up over pushing the recovery miles back a day because my mind needed the day off as much as my body did. It ended up being totally worth it, and the break in seriousness for a moment did my soul wonders.

Monday, it was hot and gross, but I did my miles and got to wear a shirt that I'd been too uncomfortable to wear previously. It didn't flatter my figure and didn't hang low enough and exposed too much skin, but when I put it on Monday, it looked and felt great. I was proud.

My hundredth day of training landed on Tuesday, which I celebrated with 3 hilly miles through my neighborhood and fifty-five minutes of my normal morning boot camp. I was good and exhausted by the end of the day, the kind of exhausted that leads to a great night's sleep and a renewed day after.

Wednesdays with Daniela are becoming a new favorite of mine. It's a long mid-week run filled with laughter and general getting shit off our chests. I've said it before and I'll say it again--it's nice having people to run with who have done the full marathon, who have the experience to give good advice, and Yella is probably as real as they come about it, all while managing to not scare the crap out of me. Her zeal for hills matches my love for those wavy concrete mounds through suburban Memphis... and pushes me to keep going even when my heart feels like it's about to pound out of my chest. She's really great at making one suck it up.

That brings us to Thursday--my personal favorite day that ends in Y. Again, it was hot as Hades out, but that didn't stop me from running four miles around Germantown. I took it nice and gentle, simply because I didn't want to be too drained for my dance class. I mean... c'mon, it's dance class. Favorite night of the week.

Friday night, we practiced fueling at my absolute favorite pizza joint in the entire city. It's on rotation with three other restaurants. The point of this--for those who don't know--is to test my pre-race meals and see how my stomach is going to react each one prior to those long runs. My stomach LOVES Pyros. Just saying.

Saturday's long run began before the sun came up. I ran with a friend, Amy, who is trying to get back into her groove. The ten miles went fast for me. I'm not sure how much I pushed her because she didn't complain, whine, or yell at me. I'm incredibly vocal and will tell someone with colorful language to slow down before I die. She did none of that to me. Runkeeper went haywire on me, so we ended up walking more than I liked to, but the important thing was getting Amy close to her goal pace. I think she did great, and after it was over, we chilled on the patio at Starbucks with coffee and food. It was a great way to end the week, I think.

"Fit is not a destination. It's a way of life."