The Marathon

Oooohhhh has it really been a month since I've talked to y'all? My bad. Maybe I can make up for it here...

THE MARATHON

You can train and train and train, do everything right, and still have the challenge of your life come race day, and that’s exactly what happened to me on Saturday. I’m trying to be as real about this as possible without being negative. I want everyone to know while this was probably the most god awful, physically demanding and draining things I’ve ever done in my life, not once was it a waste of time or effort, because what I walked away with was just as valuable.

I finished.
I puked. Twice. And I laughed about it because I was now a marathoner.

Finishing was SUPPOSED to be my only goal. I wanted to finish and not have a time in mind so I wasn’t disappointed with any part of the race. It didn’t work out that way. I was disappointed I didn’t finish in five hours. I was disappointed I didn’t run more. I was disappointed I didn’t finish faster. I was disappointed that I didn’t have the time of my life, that I was hateful as hell, and that I walked away saying I would never, ever, ever, in a million years do that distance again. I was disappointed with myself that I made beating someone else’s time my most motivating goal. I was disappointed with myself when people asked me how it went, that I couldn’t say “I had the time of my life and I want to do it again!” None of that was the memories I wanted to take away from the day.

I’m not going to write an entire dissertation on what happened throughout the race, but I’ll give you a breakdown of the key points--as I remember them. First, I love the cause but hate the course. The St. Jude half and full marathons are no joke. The hills in the city are sneaky. You don’t feel them until it’s too late. I’m not even kidding. You think they’re not there… but when you don’t get a break from them for like ten miles, it tends to wear you out. And, somewhere around the ten mile mark is where this course kills me. Every. Time. It happened last year. It happened this year. I’ll continue to be a hero and raise money, but until this Fat Girl can take a little more ass kicking, I’ll do the 10k or something shorter on this course… anything to keep me off North Parkway.

Second, and I think this is what actually killed me more than anything… I’ve been battling sinus problems for months. I went to the doctor, had everything all cleared up, or so it seemed, but a few days before the race things got bad again. More so, the fluid on my ear got worse and so did the popping. The morning of the race, I skipped the Flonase, because I’d gotten a couple nosebleeds and I didn’t want to be pulled off the course because of it, but I kept the Sudafed and the Allegra. The fluid on my ear wasn’t draining. The drugs drying me up gave me cottonmouth. I’m pretty sure I drank way too much. I’m not sure if it was the popping ear or the sloshing water, but one of the two kept making me nauseated. I’d be willing to bet it was my ear. Every time I tried to run and breathe, my ear filled up like it had a balloon in it and I would feel sick. So basically, for the next sixteen miles, I was fighting nausea, a popping ear, and an achy leg (from all the walking that wasn’t supposed to happen.)

DON’T STOP READING YET. ALL THE BAD STUFF ENDED RIGHT THERE. I PROMISE.

VIDEO CREDIT: RICHARD TUTKO

I put that finish line video right in the middle of this post for a reason. While all of that sounded really stinking horrible, and it really freaking was, I still finished, and I finished strong. I adapted and overcame. I preserved. Add to that I had the love and support of my friends and my husband. While I might’ve bitched and moaned for almost 6 hours, what happened at the finish line was totally worth all of it--the months of training, the pains, the missed parties, the money spent on doctors, the eating of all the good for me foods rather than the good for my taste buds foods. It was worth hurling in a blue cup/bag and yelling at people who tried to sit my ass in a wheelchair, because at the end of the day I learned one hell of a lesson… I was never, not even for one second, alone on this journey.

It was really quite overwhelming, from start to finish, the amount of support I had out there on Saturday. From the time I stepped foot onto Union Avenue to right before race start--where I was met with people squealing my name and holding out arms to give me hugs--to the time I crossed the finish line to the same cheers and hugs, I never once felt alone. That’s quite a feeling for someone who struggles with feelings of loneliness from time to time. People were at the start. They were on the course. They were at the finish. They were across state lines in front of computer screens. They were glued to their apps, watching my pace speed and slow. They lost complete days just to keep up with my progress. I can honestly say I’ve never felt so supported, so encouraged and so absolutely the opposite of alone in all my life. And it didn’t stop there. People--including my cousin, her husband and children--were waiting at the top of the stairs when I left the finisher zone. It was probably the most overwhelming thing I’ve ever experienced.

When I finally got home and had a chance to look over the text messages, the timeline posts on Facebook and the comments when I’d posted at mile 10 and 17 about how over it I was, I was so moved that I finally ugly cried. See, I don’t like crying. I especially don’t like crying in front of people. Sometimes though, crying isn’t bad. Sometimes, we’re so overwhelmed with emotion we need to get it out. Funny thing was, it wasn’t my accomplishment that really made me boo-hoo like a baby, but the fact my beginner runner ladies set a goal to run the entire 5k without stopping and they did it. I was more proud of them than I was of myself, and that was totally okay because I had an entire community of people to be proud for me.

There are by far way way way too many names to list individually, but I hope everyone knows how special they made this day for me. If I saw you or spoke to you at all, you were a part of my day and I thank you for that. I would, however, like to take a moment to say a special thank you to the people who came from Mississippi to cheer me on even though none of them are particularly fans of running. They are my friends, no… my family, and they did this for me. I hope I showed them all just how much it meant to me.

I would also like to take a moment to thank the people who spent all that time helping me get through those long training runs--especially Kirsten who let me verbally abuse her for almost six hours. And those who talked me through moments of doubt or gave me sound advice when I maybe wasn’t being rational. They say I could’ve done this on my own, and maybe I could have, but I’ll tell you this journey is a hell of a lot better when you have a tribe.

An epically huge thank you to Julianne Tutko for getting my sweet hubby where he was supposed to be. Between her and her husband Rich, finish line magic happened for me.

Most importantly, I need to thank the love of my life, Joe Cassatta, for being the kind of prince every girl dreams about. (Yes, I’m tearing up right now.) We’ve always been supportive of each other’s crazy endeavors, but I never expected him to go above and beyond the way he has since all of this started back in June. He has gone out of his way to make sure I had carbs on the days I needed them, or light meals on slow days. He helped me prep my lunches, rubbed my butt when it hurt. He sat in doctor’s offices with me, suffered through my moodiness, and lost quality time with me so I could train. He never once complained about any of it. I mean, y’all, he even held my puke cup while I hurled. That’s love right there.

I think it’s safe to say I’m probably the luckiest girl in the world because through this process, I realized I very much have a tribe, and they all came together and kicked major ass just to make my first marathon a memorable experience. They did. In spades.

After...

From the experience I had, one might doubt their training. Maybe. They might go back and look for all the things they did wrong, and I was really close to doing that myself, however I'm not going to. Why? Because I climbed LOTS of stairs after it was over and barely whimpered. I jogged downstairs. I danced and I partied. My legs and my body were conditioned for this. I trained well. I honestly believed what happened Saturday was beyond my control. I honestly believe it was because I was still sick.

From here…

I kept telling Kirsten that I wouldn’t do another marathon, that I wasn’t built for the distance, and yeah… no. I kept saying I wasn’t going to do New Orleans (The Rock-N-Roll Marathon in March that I’m already signed up for because JACKET.) I kept saying I would defer, or maybe just lose the money because marathons are stupid, but after a lengthy text conversation with a woman I’m hoping will become my Tri coach in 2018 (I haven’t had that conversation with y’all yet) I changed my mind about New Orleans. I’m going to do it. I’m going to give the distance another chance. New Orleans is a pretty flat course. It shouldn’t be too cold or too hot, shouldn’t be in the middle of cold and allergy season, so we’ll see. I’m already trained up. Might as well do it while I can, right? And if I still hate it, then now I know. I don’t have a problem trying to get my half marathon time down to 2 hours while working my way up to Triathlons.

Marathon Training - Week 16 Wrap Up

Oct 1st-Oct 7th ~ 30.7 Miles

Day 105 ~ Recovery Miles (4)
Day 106 ~ Dance
Day 107 ~ Boot Camp
Day 108 ~ Run (6.4)
Day 109 ~ Dance & Run (4.1)
Day 110 ~ REST
Day 111 ~ Long Run (16)

MEAL PREP THIS WEEK - Chickpea, Carrot, and Dill Salad (Yummy!)

My brain is sooooo not online. I'm looking at the pictures from last week and it was a pretty damn good collection of seven days, if I say so myself. It was the first time I've broken 30 miles in a week. I'm not exhausted. My body doesn't hurt. All good signs.

I had family in town and she let me drag her to the gym with me (that's her in day 106.) She didn't die... and doesn't hate me. Life is good. I turned her on to Cari's dance class... which is on YouTube as FitnessFiveO. I provided the link to get you there.You can thank me later.

The best feeling yet came after the sixteen miles on Saturday. We'd just finished running, had walked it off/stretched it out. I had to take Kirsten back to her car. We did the same as last time. I let her sleep in and picked her up at mile 4. Anyway, once we finished, we were back in the car and Missy Elliot was playing. It was "Let Me Work It"--a favorite to run to. I was dancing before I got in the car, then dancing in my seat as we pulled away. She said to me, "you're on top of the world right now, aren't you?"

First instinct... grin like a loon. 

Yes, I was on top of the world. 

I had a major runner's high.

Runner's High: a feeling of euphoria that is experienced by some individuals engaged in strenuous running and that is held to be associated with the release of endorphins by the brain.

~ Merriam Webster

Yes, I've felt that feeling lots of times. Every time I conquered a new goal or achieved something I didn't think was possible, I got this all over excited feeling that made me want to cheer and dance and jump and scream... and sometimes run a little more. This time was different. It was a runner's high, mixed with realization, mixed with achievement, mixed with I CANNOT BE STOPPED!!!! I ran sixteen freaking miles... for the second time in my life. But this time, I wasn't murderous by the end of the fourteenth mile. I wasn't silently screaming for my friend to shut up. She knows I love her. I wasn't miserable at the end of my run. I wanted to celebrate!!!

So now is the time when I look at that last sixteen mile run and I do the mental hopscotch, bouncing back and forth from one emotion to the next. I get in my mood where I'm tell myself if I can do sixteen miles, I can do twenty-six-point-two. Then, alternatively, I tell myself that I didn't want to do anymore when I got to the end of the run Saturday. I was done. How the hell am I going to add ten more miles to that? Then I go back to well, I wasn't mentally prepared for more. I was mentally prepared for sixteen. 

Truth? I think I'm prepared to go twenty-plus miles. I know at least one of those long runs is going to be torture. I'm okay with that. I think I'm a lot stronger than a couple of numbers on a device. I know that I've committed to this and failure isn't an option. I have committed to something remarkable and I honest to gods plan to see it through. 

"What is the point of being alive if you don't at least try to do something remarkable"

~ John Green

Marathon Training - Week 15 Wrap Up

Sept 24th-Sept 30th ~ 28.4 Miles

Day 98 ~ Rest
Day 99 ~ Recovery Run (4.0)
Day 100 ~ Boot Camp & Run (3.1)
Day 101 ~ Run (7.1)
Day 102 ~ Dance & Run (4.1)
Day 103 ~ REST
Day 104 ~ Long Run (10)

MEAL PREP THIS WEEK - Greek Pasta Salad

There's not a whole lot to report this week. My spirits were up. I've had a bunch of great runs this week. The body and mind were both in a really good place. Well, there's good to report. LOL

Sunday, my best friend in the entire world was still here and we were nursing some pretty healthy hangovers, so I didn't do anything but lay around and eat lots of foods. I didn't beat myself up over pushing the recovery miles back a day because my mind needed the day off as much as my body did. It ended up being totally worth it, and the break in seriousness for a moment did my soul wonders.

Monday, it was hot and gross, but I did my miles and got to wear a shirt that I'd been too uncomfortable to wear previously. It didn't flatter my figure and didn't hang low enough and exposed too much skin, but when I put it on Monday, it looked and felt great. I was proud.

My hundredth day of training landed on Tuesday, which I celebrated with 3 hilly miles through my neighborhood and fifty-five minutes of my normal morning boot camp. I was good and exhausted by the end of the day, the kind of exhausted that leads to a great night's sleep and a renewed day after.

Wednesdays with Daniela are becoming a new favorite of mine. It's a long mid-week run filled with laughter and general getting shit off our chests. I've said it before and I'll say it again--it's nice having people to run with who have done the full marathon, who have the experience to give good advice, and Yella is probably as real as they come about it, all while managing to not scare the crap out of me. Her zeal for hills matches my love for those wavy concrete mounds through suburban Memphis... and pushes me to keep going even when my heart feels like it's about to pound out of my chest. She's really great at making one suck it up.

That brings us to Thursday--my personal favorite day that ends in Y. Again, it was hot as Hades out, but that didn't stop me from running four miles around Germantown. I took it nice and gentle, simply because I didn't want to be too drained for my dance class. I mean... c'mon, it's dance class. Favorite night of the week.

Friday night, we practiced fueling at my absolute favorite pizza joint in the entire city. It's on rotation with three other restaurants. The point of this--for those who don't know--is to test my pre-race meals and see how my stomach is going to react each one prior to those long runs. My stomach LOVES Pyros. Just saying.

Saturday's long run began before the sun came up. I ran with a friend, Amy, who is trying to get back into her groove. The ten miles went fast for me. I'm not sure how much I pushed her because she didn't complain, whine, or yell at me. I'm incredibly vocal and will tell someone with colorful language to slow down before I die. She did none of that to me. Runkeeper went haywire on me, so we ended up walking more than I liked to, but the important thing was getting Amy close to her goal pace. I think she did great, and after it was over, we chilled on the patio at Starbucks with coffee and food. It was a great way to end the week, I think.

"Fit is not a destination. It's a way of life."

Marathon Training - Week 14 Wrap Up

Sept 17th-Sept 23rd ~ 29.1 Miles

Day 92 ~ Recovery Run (3.1)
Day X ~ REST
Day 93 ~ Boot Camp
Day 94 ~ Run (7 Miles)
Day 95 ~ Dance & Run (3.1)
Day 96 ~ REST
Day 97 ~ Long Run (16 Miles)

I apparently can't keep up with the number of days in this thing. I was doing pretty good there for a bit. Anyway, I guess the number of days isn't that important. It's all about the miles, right?

So, you guys know last week's long run did me in. Bad. I suffered. Hard. I did all the wrong things and paid for it. I beat myself up for it. Anyway, this week's long run went sooooo much better. It started off with appropriate rest and fueling the night before. Yes, rest and fueling makes a HUGE difference when you start getting up into the double digits. It's a serious thing. I had my beloved DGB burger from Red Robin and about six and a half hours of pretty decent sleep.

When I woke up bright and early the next morning--around 3:30am--my best friend in the entire world, my Pookie, was sitting in my garage with her husband, having a chat with my husband. She lives like 160 miles away, so we don't get to see each other much. But she knew I needed some time with her, and she came to Memphis to see me. I didn't say anything. I just hugged her whole entire head. I can't remember the last time I was so happy to see another human being.

The boys went to their respective beds. Pookie sat and chatted with me while I had a cup of coffee and something light to eat. We talked about lots of things, but the thing that really stayed with me was when she told me I could do this whole marathon madness, that she believed in me. I left for my long run with the biggest smile on my face and the best warmth in my heart. She's not a runner. But she gets it. That's all I needed. Did I mention I love her like whoa?

The first four miles I did by myself. That worked well for me. I had about an hour to get warmed up and get my head in the game. Almost like reading a book and having coffee to mentally prepare yourself before going to work. I enjoyed the sounds of my music without other gossiping and chatting around me. It was just me and the road, and I loved it. On Johnson Road, I picked up Kirsten and we finished the remaining twelve miles with mostly laughs and smiles. The last mile was a bit of a bear, but I sucked it up and got through it. Had lots of little sections of negative splits. That was nice. It looked like the longer miles that messed up those splits were fuel and hydrate breaks. Overall, I'm happy with the long run. It left me feeling like I could conquer the world if I wanted to.

Later that night, I celebrated my longest miles ever with my bestie, RockBand, rum and Fireball. Don't judge me. It's been a minute since I've been able to go crazy and have fun with my Pookie like that. The most awesome part of that evening was when I realized I was actually dancing... not twelve hours after running sixteen miles. HOLY SHIT! It was like a cartoonish AH-HA moment. I've conditioned myself enough to run sixteen miles then dance and jump around like a fool. All in the same freaking day!!! This time last year, after running my first half marathon, I could barely walk for two days. I had to let that sink in for a minute. That's the moment I realized I was a baddass. And I'm totally okay owning that.

"Never underestimate your own strength. You were born for a purpose and are blessed with the power to achieve it." ~ Leon Brown

Marathon Training - Week 12 Wrap Up

Sept 3rd-Sept 9th ~ 24.4 Miles

Day 79 ~ Recovery Run (3.1)
Day 80 ~ REST
Day 81 ~ Boot Camp & Run (3.1)
Day 82 ~ Run (6)
Day 83 ~ Dance & Run (3)
Day 84 ~ REST (Carb up!)
Day 85 ~ Long Run (9.1)

(I just realized my numbers are completely off this week. Sorry, y'all. I can only blame vacation brain.)

FOOD PREP MEAL -  None this week. We got back in town from camping on Monday and I took the day off Tuesday so we spoiled ourselves with Cheesecake Factory. Don't judge me. ;-)

I started this post with a rundown of all the stuff I'd done all week and blah, blah, blah about how it went and how I felt. Then, after pouring two paragraphs onto the page, I decided that wasn't the story I wanted to tell this week because something much bigger happened, something I needed, something that really reminded me that I'm a lot harder on myself than I should be. I don't know why, but I am. I keep trying to prove to everyone else I'm a good person, when really the only person who needs to know that is me. Well, Saturday, three very special ladies, someone calling me a "true success story," and an amazing co-coach made me really see the things I needed to see. And then my husband said, "See, I've been telling you this stuff the whole time." #blesshim

Let me back up, because this has the potential to be a really good story and I'll try to condense it as much as I can...

In 2015, a friend told me to come join this women's run/walk program with her. She wanted me to be a beginner runner. Ummmm... no. I didn't want any part of it. I was fine dancing two nights a week and WALKING on my treadmill for an hour every morning. I was losing weight and life was good. My friend, she persisted. She asked me two or three more times, and finally I gave in. I hated everything about it. It was too hot outside. I couldn't breathe. My stomach always hurt. Who the hell in their right mind ran... for the fun of it? I mean I liked walking my 5Ks just fine. I didn't need that to change. Obviously, it changed. I'm a sucker for good peer pressure.

After eight weeks of I hate this crap, we finally got to the morning of the graduation 5K. I was freaking pumped. Soooooo excited to be out there. I'd worked my butt off and now it was over. I went out hard and fast, and by the halfway point I hated life. Past the second mile I thought this would never end and I would die wayyyyyyy before the next mile marker. Then I came roaring across the finish line and I couldn't wait to do it again, but next time I wanted to be faster. That's when I knew the bug had really bitten. I freaking LOVED running.

In 2016 and 2017, I went back as a coach for the beginner runners because I wanted to pass on what I'd gained from the experience. It was important for these ladies to know it wasn't going to be easy, but it would damn sure be worth it. They needed to know it got easier if you did things right and trusted the process. I wanted them to learn from the mistakes I'd made.

This year was an exceptional year for me personally with this program. I honestly thought I was sort of useless as a coach because I'm super shy if I'm not familiar with you. I don't talk to strangers. I'm very much a back of the class kind of girl. I'd hoped that coaching would get me out of that, but thus far it hadn't. Then I met Bobbie and Shirley...

These ladies were tough and committed, and they pushed through the training and set goals for themselves, and week after week I watched them become stronger runners. They were so grateful to me for spending my time with them when I could've been doing something else--their words, not mine. Truth? I enjoyed every second of it. It didn't matter how fast or how slow we were going. I was doing exactly what I'd come back to the beginner runner program to do. I was helping someone love running the way I did. Both ladies set a 40 minute goal time. Both ladies finished right around 38 minutes. I couldn't have been more proud of them.

Then there was a third lady who I'd seen but hadn't really spoken to. Catherine was with Bobbie and Shirley, and a few other ladies when we started the race Saturday morning. Somewhere before mile two I heard someone call my name. It was Catherine. She said, "please don't leave me out here alone." I told her that I was going to pace the ladies like I promised, but I would come back for her. I kept watching for her, making sure she was close by. She was. Then she wasn't.

Well, luckily, Terri Clarke--another fine member of our wonderful running community--was also there and between her and Marley--another lady runner--they were able to pace everyone else to the finish line while I went to get Catherine. She wasn't that far behind. Close enough if I'd had my glasses on I would've seen her. The race wasn't easy for her, and though she wanted to give up, she didn't. And when she crossed that finish line, she did it in beast mode. She ran hard and fast with me yelling beside her to "run, girl! Run!"Again, I found myself incredibly proud of what these women were doing for themselves. Sappy, ain't it? Catherine cried and hugged and cried and hugged, and it was probably the sweetest thing I'd been a part of all day... until Bobbie handed me a thank you note that made my eyeballs leak. Then Julianne--you guys have seen her name a lot--gave me a high five and said "Good job, Coach" when I told her that Bobbie and Shirley made their goal.

There was a point to this, I promise. While people say "I hate running" or "running sucks," I can't help but disagree. I know it's a matter of perspective, but the perspective it gave me was seeing that even though I'm no one important, I can inspire. I can empower. I'm not rich and famous, but I too can be looked up to simply because of how I chose to treat other people. Am I perfect? Not by a long shot. Will I ever be perfect? Not even close. Can I see perfection in myself? Well, I'm certainly trying. I'm hoping at the end of this journey, when I cross the finish line after 26.2 miles and all these weeks of training, my eyes and heart will be more open to the possibility of me being this awesome, inspiring person everyone else sees.

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." -Mother Teresa

Marathon Training - Week 11 Wrap Up

Aug 27th-Sept 2nd ~ 25.8 Miles

Day 72 ~ Recovery Run (3.4)
Day 73 ~ WRWM Coaching (3 miles)
Day 74 ~ Boot Camp
Day 75 ~ Base Miles (6.18)
Day 76 ~ Walked 3 miles (after packing the car)
Day 77 ~ Set up camp and ate camp food, then did planks by the river... on my rest day.
Day 78 ~ Long Run (Traded 14 pavement miles for 10.34 gravelly, hilly miles.)

FOOD PREP MEAL -  Chipotle Chicken Quinoa Burrito Bowl

Week eleven already seems so far away, that I had to go back and look at the pictures to remember everything I was feeling/enduring/or fighting to push through the previous week. I'm telling you, three days of quiet time on the river was everything the doctor ordered. Okay, maybe I could've done without the rum and the Fireball, but this girl had needs, and getting sloppy ass drunk was one of them. I'm such a lightweight, however, sloppy ass drunk is one rum and diet coke and a single shot of Fireball. Don't hate me because I'm a cheap date. LOL

It's pretty safe to say that each run felt pretty good. I think the only day I absolutely didn't want to do anything was Thursday, and that had everything to do with having to pack up the car and nothing at all to do with exhaustion from training. So massive bonus there. Boot camp Tuesday morning was even awesome. I had slight pain over my left knee, but Dr. Wonderful took care of that for me.

My long run wasn't 14 miles like it should've been. Mentally, I was there. I was ready to do it. I told myself that just because I wasn't at home didn't mean I couldn't do those miles. That was before I realized that getting out of camp was ALLLLLLL up hill, and I mean up long, tall, gravelly hills. So in reality, for the effort, I might've done 14 miles. I will say that it was a fun and somewhat frightening adventure. My love of horror movies made the adventure better than the run. I'm woman enough to admit that. There are more pictures on my Facebook and Instagram.

The Sunday recovery miles have yet to disappoint. I know its coming. I know that after running 16, 18 or 20 miles on Saturday there will be a Sunday when the thought of pounding pavement will reduce me to tears. Right now, I plan to enjoy the comfortable Sundays, while doing the cross-training needed to make this whole experience a lot less painful.

The best part of the week, however, wasn't the training or eating the bad foods, but the fact that my LARGE InkNBurn singlets finally fit me in a way that I'm not embarrassed to wear. I started out in an 2XLarge, so this is a huge deal for me.

UPDATE FROM THE PREVIOUS POST....

I'm not one who typically likes to wallow in my self-pity. After an inspiring email from my best friend in the entire world, you guys know her as Pookie, I decided to stop making myself more miserable than I needed to be. Or at least try to. To start that process, I reached out to a running buddy who nearly made me puke all over my Mizunos last time I ran with her. In her defense, she was trying to get me to finish a 5k in 28 minutes, in the middle of summer and on a full stomach. We figured out real fast the three things don't constitute a working combination for me.

Anyway, Kirsten is funny as hell, crazy, and loves to talk, and from what I hear can keep me on pace pretty damn good. She has agreed to do the long runs with me, and since she's all like "I can do a 50k for breakfast" I figured she was just insane enough to get up before the sun and run lots of stupid miles with me. Sometimes training is also about regrouping and finding what's going to work for you. Just because things didn't start the way they were supposed to doesn't mean they can't finish with a stellar ending. In December, I expect to have my stellar ending. To quote Michael Jordan...

"You must expect great things of yourself before you can do them."

Marathon Training - Week 10 Wrap Up

Aug 20th-Aug 26th ~ 23.7 Miles

Day 65 ~ Breakaway Bardog 5k (3.1 - 10:00 pace)
Day 66 ~ WRWM Coaching (2.78)
Day 67 ~ Rest (Doc's Orders)
Day 68 ~ Base Miles (6 miles)
Day 69 ~ Rest
Day 70 ~ Rest (Red Robin DGB Burger with Fries and Onion Rings for Fuel)
Day 71 ~ Long Run (12 miles)

FOOD PREP MEAL -  Cold Spicy Thai Shrimp Bowl

After running really hard Sunday, then obligations that kept me from resting on Monday, I decided to skip the extra-curricular gym activities this week, and just let the anti-inflammatories do their job. I continued going to the chiropractor as ordered as well. So there's not much meat in the way of physical activity this week. I will say that thanks to the rest and actually listening to my body, I had a stellar run Saturday morning (after I got past the mental part of it, which I will talk about in a minute.)

I changed my strategy this weekend on my long run. In the past, I've done the long runs with a quarter mile run interval/one minute walk interval. I thought my running too hard during that quarter of a mile was the reason I was finding myself so exhausted, and I think that might've been part of it, but I'm also thinking it had more to do with all the stopping.

A co-coach of mine was telling the beginner women that slowing down to the point your heart-rate drops significantly essentially makes your body have to warm up all over again, and that will tire you fast. So I marinated in this thought for a little while and I adjusted my own run. It paid off. I didn't skip or shorten a single interval. I'm thinking next time I get on the pavement for a long run, I might even try one mile run/one minute walk. I know I'm capable. I've run nine miles without stopping before. But I also want to be smart and find whatever is going to work for me come game day. I. Must. Finish. Failure is not an option.

I've also found that I might have a little superstitious side when it comes to night before fueling. My best half marathon time ever (2:22) was fueled by Red Robin. I'm not even kidding. The first time I met my 2:30 half marathon goal (2:29 in Greenwood, MS.) I'd fueled with Red Robin. Call me crazy, but I see a trend. I'm laughing as I type this, by the way. I had zero stomach issues. Even Saturday I was 100% comfortable for 90% of the run. Sooo... what was up with the other 10%, you might ask? It was all mental.

So, I'm going to go ahead and put this out there, because talking about it face-to-face with people doesn't work. It makes me all watery-eyed and I HATE being all watery-eyed. But I am very lonely. Incredibly lonely. Not because I don't have awesome, supportive people in my life, but because I'm looking for something that I lost when I moved away from Mississippi. I have a best friend down there. She's the kind of best friend I have my own language with, one who can finish my sentences and relate to me on even the most unrelatable level. She's the one who I can absolutely share my space with and enjoy every second of it. She doesn't run. When I say I'm going to run, she's like "Okay, you do that, Pookie. I'll be right here." And that's totally okay with us because she knows I love running and she loves me and that's all that matters. I rely on her. I know I can rely on her. I know if I say "Pookie, I need you, get your ass up here," she'll do everything in her power to make that happen.

I didn't realize how badly I needed a running "Pookie" until Saturday. The 19th, I ended up running the last two miles fighting tears because I was alone. It made the entire run miserable. Saturday, I spent the first two miles of the run in that same headspace. I was ready to say screw the marathon, screw the training. I wasn't going to do it anymore. I was prepared to turn around, go back to my car, and never show my face in the running community ever again. Honest to God, had Rich and Julianne Tutko not been there with big, warm hugs when I came running up to the next turn, I would have marched my ass across the intersection and gone back to my car. Nothing sucks worse than trying not to cry while trying like hell to breathe. It's scary. I've never hyperventilated before, but I imagine it's just as scary.

I say all the time that I'm a solitary person, that I don't need people, and for the most part, I still consider it true, but it's hard to feel like you're on the outside of a "tribe" you're supposed to be a part of. I've been finding that when I'm out on these long runs, I feel very much like I'm an outsider trying to fit in. That's when I need my Pookie. I don't need a group of people who smile and ask "how're you doing?" just to make small talk. I need someone I can look over at and ask "am I going to fail" when I get in that bad headspace, and have them tell me "hell no, you're a beast." That's what I'm missing. Unfortunately, there's not too many people who want to get up before dawn on a Saturday and follow me for distances in the double digits just to tell my crazy ass I'll be okay.